blogvid

no idea what to title this post since i have no idea where it will go. it has been a month since my last post, though it feels like its been two. i've been back at school for three weeks since my mid-winter break when i saw many folks in LA for too short a period of time. two weeks now until my spring break. i will be in LA again. march31- april 9. the last break was not enough to reset myself. i am drained. if i did not love my job i would not do it. it is not worth the pay, which i knew going in. and i don't mean to be the tired old teacher we've all heard bitch and moan about how little teachers get paid. i get paid well. i do not feel strapped for cash at all. i buy way more stuff for myself that i have ever done before. i do not feel like there are things which more money would buy and as a result would make me happier. i am very happy. but drained. to do this job the way it ought to be done is not properly compensated by a five-figure salary. a colleague of mine claims teaching is the hardest job (he now says its #2 after being a cop) because it is the only job where you walk into work an people are actively trying to get you to not do your job. i think in many ways he is right. though i would like to think that one day i will be good enough at this that students, all of them, will want to be in my classroom everyday. the problem is that i want that day to be tomorrow. you know it, the crack addict on the curb outside knows it, and I know it is not going to happen tomorrow. i can SEE it happening one day. i have the skills, i have the desire, and i think i have the stamina. coming home every day knowing that while you did a good job, better than most, it still was not as good as it can be kills me. i am becoming better at being ok with this, which has led to less stress, more free time, and not agonizing over every defeat. there is still that tiny voice in the back saying it can be better, it can be better.
i planned a trip to the bronx zoo. we went yesterday. it was awesome.
i am dating someone. to my mother's surprise/relief? it is not matt nor is it a guy. for various reasons i cannot explain too much about her in this space. she is amazing and i will leave it at that. in person or on the phone i can divulge more info if anyone is curious. it is odd to be in a relationship again. it is good, no doubt, but odd.
i have discovered Tom Waits over the last month or so. the man is a genius. i have also discovered J Dilla, considered by many rap producers to be the greatest rap producer ever. he died of lupus. his music is also quite excellent.
i have been 'flixing The Wire. five episodes in and i am hooked.
i think thats all that ive got for now.