Saturday, November 25, 2006
Big Girls (and strong men) Do Cry, Part II
Note: I wrote this last week and then somehting came up such that i did not have time to finish the post/edit it (ha! edit). Anyways, i don't think i said everything i wanted to, but i will post what i have written otherwise it will never happen.
Thanks, Melissa for the kind words. I miss you too. I would love to visit you, no idea when that will be possible though.
Mr. Price is right. The title of my last post was not meant to imply that men do not nor cannot nor should not cry. 'Twas merely refernece to the song "big girls don't cry." I am happy that I cried. It was cathartic. My problems at work boil down to this... okay, at the time, this is how I felt. We are supposed to be a team of teachers with a common goal. As a small school, this is even more crucial in my opinion. And yet, every day I spend most of my waking hours, and sacrifice a lot of sleep to do the best job I can do. And I still don't feel like I am doing a good job. I am at about 70% satisfaction with myself. I jsut know I can be so much better. So then I ask myself if I am workign 14 hours a day and feel like I am reaching 70% of my potential, why isn't everyone else? I am often one of the first to arrive at work and usually the last to leave. I understand that it is different for a first year teacher, but I don't care. This is not how it should be. If they expect people to come out of one year of grad school and excel at this job, and not burn out, which is the big problem that the New York City department of education faces right now, this is NOT the way to do it. And I am better prepared and more qualified than 99% of new teachers out there- that much I know. So the moment came on that monday morning where I had a kickass lesson, which literaly took four hours to plan, into which a part of me had been put, and it brought me up for those wonderful 30 minutes and came crashing down on my head. That was the tipping point for a mountain of frustration to come pouring out. Since that day I think I have realized that its not so much that other teachers are working less than me, its that there is something unprofessional about alot of things that go on. I am a real believer in teachers as professionals. Teachers will not get paid what they deserve until the world truly respects them the way we respect doctors and lawyers and other famously high-paying jobs. I'm getting off-topic here. Blog ADHD. So I liken it to a basketball team, since i have experience with basketball teams. There was once in my life where I was the best player on a league team. it was a 9-12 year old league, and I was 12. there was a clear advantage for me. other than that, i have never ever been close to being the best player on a basketball team. but if you ask my coaches who the hardest working player on their team was, I would mentioned near the top. I worked hard because i was a part of team and I wanted to add as much as I could to that team effort, even if it was for just a few minutes of playing time. And that is in a stupid game. This is far more important.
Thanks, Melissa for the kind words. I miss you too. I would love to visit you, no idea when that will be possible though.
Mr. Price is right. The title of my last post was not meant to imply that men do not nor cannot nor should not cry. 'Twas merely refernece to the song "big girls don't cry." I am happy that I cried. It was cathartic. My problems at work boil down to this... okay, at the time, this is how I felt. We are supposed to be a team of teachers with a common goal. As a small school, this is even more crucial in my opinion. And yet, every day I spend most of my waking hours, and sacrifice a lot of sleep to do the best job I can do. And I still don't feel like I am doing a good job. I am at about 70% satisfaction with myself. I jsut know I can be so much better. So then I ask myself if I am workign 14 hours a day and feel like I am reaching 70% of my potential, why isn't everyone else? I am often one of the first to arrive at work and usually the last to leave. I understand that it is different for a first year teacher, but I don't care. This is not how it should be. If they expect people to come out of one year of grad school and excel at this job, and not burn out, which is the big problem that the New York City department of education faces right now, this is NOT the way to do it. And I am better prepared and more qualified than 99% of new teachers out there- that much I know. So the moment came on that monday morning where I had a kickass lesson, which literaly took four hours to plan, into which a part of me had been put, and it brought me up for those wonderful 30 minutes and came crashing down on my head. That was the tipping point for a mountain of frustration to come pouring out. Since that day I think I have realized that its not so much that other teachers are working less than me, its that there is something unprofessional about alot of things that go on. I am a real believer in teachers as professionals. Teachers will not get paid what they deserve until the world truly respects them the way we respect doctors and lawyers and other famously high-paying jobs. I'm getting off-topic here. Blog ADHD. So I liken it to a basketball team, since i have experience with basketball teams. There was once in my life where I was the best player on a league team. it was a 9-12 year old league, and I was 12. there was a clear advantage for me. other than that, i have never ever been close to being the best player on a basketball team. but if you ask my coaches who the hardest working player on their team was, I would mentioned near the top. I worked hard because i was a part of team and I wanted to add as much as I could to that team effort, even if it was for just a few minutes of playing time. And that is in a stupid game. This is far more important.
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